Tanning bed bursts into flames; man escapes OR closeted gay nearly outed by tanning bed tragedy

By Shawn Cetrone - The (Rock Hill) Herald

Published: Tue, Mar. 10, 2009 08:32AM Modified Tue, Mar. 10, 2009 08:35AM

LAKE WYLIE, S.C. -- A man escaped from a tanning bed as it burst into flames, sparking a fire that evacuated a Lake Wylie shopping center and damaged several stores Monday, authorities said.

No one, including the man in the bed, was hurt. But several stores in the Bethel Commons strip mall off S.C. 274 and S.C. 49 suffered smoke damage that will likely keep them closed most of the week, said Bethel Fire Chief Don Love.

Authorities are investigating what ignited the bed at Ultratan.

The man who escaped declined to give his name but said he was working on his tan when he heard a popping noise, then saw a flame at the corner of the tanning bed near his foot. He threw open the lid and jumped out, he said.

When firefighters arrived around 4:15 p.m. "smoke was pouring out of all sides of the building," said Bethel Assistant Fire Chief David Long. By 5:30 p.m. the fire was out and smoke cleared.

DOOMED!

My dad told me my new haircut makes me look like a young Liza Minelli.



I'm fated forever to only love and be loved by gay men.

duped by my own expectations

One of my favorite things to do one weekend afternoon on occasion is head to the Eastern Market. For those of who who don't know it's a DC landmark offering vendors of all kinds - artists, a farmers' market, flea market, etc. Inside they also have a deli, butcher, pastry & cheese shop, etc.

I needed a soap dish for next to my kitchen sink. Not for soap, but for my scrub sponge. (You know, the one you use to scrub the counters. Because the dish sponge has to be a different one altogether. You know, right? Thank you, my OCD Anonymous supporters.)

I found a vendor with all kinds of colorful glass work - serving dishes, salsa dippers, probably some ash trays, and aha! soapdishes. I chose the chili peppers.

Cute, right? As I was paying her and she was wrapping my purchase I pictured this woman arriving early every weekend morning to set up her stand, her husband staying home and working sun up to sun down on his glass wares in their garage converted into his workshop.

Then I got home, satisfied post-purchase, and unwrapped my wares. I proceeded to the kitchen to wash my new glass sponge-holder (of course I was going to wash it before putting my sponge to rest on it!) It was sitting out all day - who knew for how many days!

Here's what I found on the back:

It's probably so loaded with lead I'll be dead in a year.

yuck

I am recovering from a wicked 24-hour stomach bug that hit Sunday in the middle of the night. Since Monday evening I've been surviving on dry Cheerios and crackers. Tonight on the way home from work I decided I was starving and feeling well enough that I could venture to some plain rice (woohoo!)

On a supermarket sweep a few weeks ago (I think I spent over $300 restocking my house for the first time since Christmas) I bought these things called Ready Rice from Uncle Ben's. I didn't realize what they were when I picked them up. It's a packet of rice that ready in 90 seconds by adding two tablespoons of water and heating. Nobody needs to make dinner that quickly.


I had a packet of plain brown rice on hand, but felt my body was craving some vegetables after my 24-hour cleanse followed by two days of fasting (Not that what's in here could possibly count even as half a serving of veggies for a child, even.) so I ventured for the Garden Vegetable variety.

I've never owned a cat but the sensation that struck me as I tore open the pouch and squeezed the slightly moist, clumpy contents into the skillet was that of feeding a pet feline.

I think I'll donate the other two pouches in my pantry. And take the 10 minutes to cook the boil-in-bag brown rice from now on.

the best dog in the world

Thes 08.18.92 - 01.30.09


Spent a lot of time at the vet's today, talking to the Dr. The outlook was grim no matter what. I knew that. I mean, even if the tumor in her abdomen is removable, the rest of her body is still 100 years old. And she had so many other things going on.

I didn't get to do what I wanted -- which was spend hours laying with her telling her how much she was loved and then cook and feed her a NY strip steak. But I thought even one more night would be cruel to her.

I'm going to spread her ashes in the woods behind my parents' house, where I used to sneak off to as a teenager with her (then a puppy), and where my dad took her for long walks when they kept her when I went to Australia. Great memories, a wonderful dog. She'll be coming back as a queen of a very rich nation.

I'm wearing one of my Mom's favorite shirts for comfort -- one she wore all the time the year before she died. It's a horrible cotton/poly blend from KMart, but somehow it feels like cashmere.

best seat in the house

My view of the inauguration:


Okay, okay, I know, it's lame. I'm an easy metro ride into the city, and I'm living back here for the first time in years, and I didn't go. It was 30 degrees and I wanted to actually see the inauguration. I was in the city every other day or night that week. I got the buzz. And very much enjoyed it from my couch.

A feat of genetic engineering, a stroke of good luck, an achievement in packaging technology?

Grocery shopping at 11 pm last week: Being the responsible inhabitant of the planet I try to be, I took all of my reusable bags. But I was restocking my house for the first time since Christmas, really, and everything didn't fit. I got one plastic grocery bag with my dozen eggs and bunch of tulips.

I put it in the child seat of the grocery cart. The parking lot is on a severe hill, which presents a challenge when unloading the cart into the car. At some point the bag tipped out of the cart and landed on the ground. I couldn't bear to look at the condition of the eggs and just put it in the car with the other groceries, figuring I'd deal with it when I got home.

Unloading the groceries I left the eggs/flowers bag for last. I was shocked to find only one egg was broken.

It's just not possible.

mob hit in the stables?

One of the shepherds on my manger scene appears to be the victim of a mob hit. Check him out. Right at the knees.


Well, a knee and and an ankle. I tried some SupahGloo (that's the brand name in Malaysia.) Didn't take. Not sure if it was chemistry or lack of patience (I didn't wait for it to set.) Any other suggestions? Some kind of plastic epoxy? I inherited the manger scene from my grandmother several years ago, so there's no telling how old it is or what it's actually made of.

rednecks recycle, too!

Rednecks care about the planet, y'all! Saw the funniest scene in a while yesterday in the Giant grocery store parking lot. I was visiting my dad for the long weekend. You have to understand where my parents have lived for the past 18 years. It is so backwards, so southern, so completely redneck, it's right out of a Jeff Foxworthy skit. Lots of gun racks, bass fishing boats, and confederate flags.

I had just pulled into a parking spot and what appeared before my eyes was the typical citizen: male, probably mid-40s, but looks more late-50s, scruffy grey beard, camouflage polyester baseball hat unable to tame the wild salt-and-pepper mane underneath, beer belly protruding from a quilted flannel shirt left unbuttoned over a dirty, stained t-shirt, and sweatpants with hunting boots. Got the complete picture? But dangling from his hand was a richly-colored purple reusable Giant grocery bag. It just didn't fit.

Captain Von Trapp is HOT!

I've been watching "The Sound of Music" once or twice a year every year forever and ever. I don't know what took me so long, but the realization hit me this summer when I watched, and this Christmas viewing has just confirmed it. I know Christopher Plummer is old as dirt, but back in the day he had a Jon Stewart thing going on.

wet sleeves

Bad luck? Inconvenience? Minor annoyance? Trigger for a psychotic break?

I don't know if it is a global human reaction, but, for me, few things rank up there with getting the cuffs of your long-sleeve shirt, jacket, or sweater wet, say, while washing your hands at the sink after using the loo.

You pushed your sleeves up as far as they could go, bent uncomfortably at the knees and the back to try to cheat gravity, and then mid-suds-session, without warning, a cuff springs loose and is getting drenched directly under the stream of water.

Then the cuff is cold, and it gets all stretched out. You keep oddly shaking your arm, extended at your side, as if it were the Liberty Bell, in an attempt to air-motion dry the sleeve. It really can ruin a whole day.

Well, today I had the mother of all sleeve-drenchers.

Tomorrow is trash and recycling day. The collectors start coming around right about 7am. So I usually have a choice: put the cans out Wednesday evening or stumble around at 6:30 Thursday morning to get everything out in time. I usually try to do whatever seems less disruptive to my neighbors, as my cans stay on a concrete pad in my side yard, and our houses are very close together. The depressing thing is, right now, it being winter, it's dark both at 6:30 in the morning and 6:30 in the evening. And that side of my house is pitch black. No moonlight, no streetlight, nothing.

I got home from work at a reasonable time this evening and decided to get the trash & recycling to the curb tonight. I collected everything from the house, carried it to the side yard, reached for the trash can lid - and kapow. Kablooey. Splish-Splash. Whatever sound effect you want to add. See, we've been having rain the past few days, and the temperature dropped significantly today. My trash can lid is depressed on either side of the handle and so it is the perfect rain-collecting device. Except, I couldn't see that in the darkness that was enveloping that corner of the house. So I did as anyone would do with a bag of trash in one hand - I reached for the lid the with the other hand and lifted it off. Straight up. Not sure what degree of angle I was at, but I can tell you this: I was at the perfect angle for all of the water collected in the lid to run up the inside of my coat sleeve. Not to the wrist. Not to the elbow. Half way up the upper arm. On the underside. I was wearing a long-sleeve shirt under my coat, and the shirt sleeve and coat sleeve had absorbed some water on its journey up. So now I had ice-cold fabric against some of the thinnest, sensitive, most tender skin.

Immediately I had to decide who was at fault: the garbage man for the way he placed the lid back after last collection day? My dogwalker for the direction she put the can back on the side of the house? (Yes, my dogwalker brings the cans back up every Thursday when she is here taking care of my dog. Never asked her to. Just does. Part of her services, I guess. And I tip her well.)

Thankfully it wasn't too early or late, because I'm sure my neighbors heard the string of expletives 10 feet away inside their house.

is anyone paying attention?

Has everyone seen this "Open Hearts' commercial for Kay Jewelers?










HAS ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THAT IT LOOKS LIKE TWO BUTT PRINTS??? Where exactly did Jane Seymour get her inspiration? After-hours pranks on the office photocopier?

good movie!

Just saw "Slumdog Millionaire". What a fabulous movie. Could have sat there and watched the whole thing again. (But only if the yahoos next to me were not there -- wifey had to explain every nuance to the husband all the way through, and she felt the need to exclaim out loud obvious facts. I'm v.v. intolerant. I'm working on it, but there are some things that are unforgivable, and screwing with my movie viewing experience is one of them. Yes, I know, then I should stay home and watch on DVD... but there are some movies that must be seen in the theatre.)

I don't see many movies any more that inspire me the way this this one did.

And I mean really, that's what we're all looking for, right, someone to love us despite our scars?

today's elixer

I was in a very bad, foul, angry, bitter mood for the past several hours. Then I got home and this was in my inbox and I watched it and all of my problems have disappeared.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA1hyqA6UTY

exhaustion abounds

I have been officially chastised for not posting in so long!

And I've been sitting here for the past hour trying to think of something to write.

But all last week I worked 10-, 12-, and 14-hour days and had a $520 car repair.

I am sapped of creativity.

But "Anonymous" could update me on how the new job is!!!